In the movie, Liar Liar, Jim Carrey plays Fletcher Reede, an unscrupulous lawyer who will stop at nothing to get ahead, even at the cost of his relationship with his young son.
When his son makes a wish on his 5th birthday for his father to be unable to lie, it creates a chain of experiences for Reede that eventually teaches him the lesson of the gifts that come from being his full and honest self.
At one point, upon realizing that he cannot lie, Reede says to his son,
“No one can survive in the adult world if they have to tell the truth. I could lose my case, my promotion, even my job! I have to lie . . . everyone lies!”
Over the past three weeks, we have seen numerous examples in the media of the pain and hurt that lying has cost people. The whole “Me, too” campaign is a perfect example of this. Continuing to engage in and enable behaviors and practices that degrade and undervalue anyone or anything only perpetuates and breeds more disconnection, devaluation and an inability to be individually and collectively at our best.
In her book, Braving the Wilderness, Brené Brown sites her own current statistical stories about loneliness. She discusses our practice of polarization and control over the other as key ingredients in the rise of detachment and lack of true connection in our global society.
When we do not and cannot value ourselves, we struggle to honestly and genuinely value others. Without the ability to read and honor value, we risk becoming disenfranchised.
I have heard from countless clients and have, indeed, experienced this “crisis of connection” with my own value in the past few weeks, as I have had the opportunity to deeply and honestly take stock of my life. Exiting the old and entering a New Year can do that for you, yet I believe there is more to it this go around for all of us.
We have come to a place, collectively, in this world where there is no place left to hide. We either begin to take a good, long and hard look at where and how we place and uphold our own value, or we will simply not make it.
Each of our individual lights that came to shine and serve others cannot and will not be able to do so if we do not learn to know, protect and serve from our place of value. We must be able to honestly and compassionately stand up for this value and accept nothing less from ourselves and others when it comes to honoring it.
At the end of the day, this is what I believe.
We lie, cheat and steal simply because we believe we cannot legitimately have the thing we truly want.
When we can expand our belief in our value, we can also increase our belief in our own havingness.
Havingness, the level at which we can have something, is there to support our value.
It’s time to ask where we’ve been undervaluing ourselves and where we’ve been believing we cannot have the things in our lives that will best support our value and our ability to create value for others with it.
It is important to consider that it is not only the physical “stuff”, but the experiences, knowledge and lessons that create our havingness and the powerful support that it offers. When we question our ability to have, we risk losing the opportunity to reach our potential and be at our highest value.
So, today I challenge you to look deeply within and find the places where you’ve been shouting, “liar, liar!”
If it’s your true self raising its voice to the limiting beliefs held by your conditioned self, make note of that awareness and investigate it more.
If you see this reaction from your own habits and behaviors and those of others, where can you speak up, truthfully and with compassion, about this?
It is up to each and every one of us to do the work that it takes to acknowledge, embrace and shine the value we’ve been graced to hold and share.
As we accept the challenge of this individually, we impact the collective experience that we all have.
I believe it’s possible to get to the place where we can knowingly say,
No one can thrive in the world if they cannot tell the truth. Without our ability to be honest, we surely have and are nothing.