It was 2am, a few weeks ago, when the winds arrived, thrashing the trees and thumping against the window panes.
35-40 mph gusts threatened to peel shingles from the roof. The sounds of branches snapping and debris hitting the house made it impossible to sleep.
The Wizard of Oz popped into my mind. I wondered what was blowing out and what might be blowing in?
As with any good witch story, I could feel something was brewing . . .
And indeed, something IS brewing.
For the past few weeks, clients have been sharing story after story. The most prevalent patterns have been around mother issues and devastating truths revealed about loved ones that they have been hiding … deep, old, core wounds coming up to be addressed and healed.
And there have emerged opportunities . . . big opportunities to tell the truth, accept what is and take steps to work with what is presenting itself to create and embrace something better.
“The truth sets us free, right?” one of my clients recently asked.
“Then why does it feel like s#@&?”
“Perhaps, it’s about looking at where you want to be accountable for your part,” I suggested. “And then take the steps to be responsible to what you can do to set things right for yourself around the issue.”
“But it’s not my issue! I’m the one on the receiving end of this tragic truth,” he replied. “It’s not about me making it right, is it? Isn’t that the job of the other person? I mean I’m completely innocent here!”
“Is it their job to make it better for you?” I asked.
“Well, yeah!” he said.
“And what would that look like?” was my next question.
“I don’t know,” he said with a sigh.
I waited. Then finally said, quietly, “is there any way for another person to reach inside of you and make things better? Any way for them to physically remove or rearrange your thoughts and emotions to make this experience different for you?”
“Well,” he paused, “I guess not.”
“And when we wait for the other to make things better … to make amends … to prove themselves to us … what mindset are we in?”
I could almost feel his eyes rolling on the other end of the phone.
“Okay! You got me,” he said with exasperated flourish. “I’m playing victim!”
“And how do you know that?” I asked.
“Because I feel unable to do anything about the situation. I feel like my hands are tied. I’m expecting someone else to make things better for me, take responsibility for my personal feelings and for physically improving my situation.”
“Congratulations,” I replied simply. “Now, we are in a place where we can move the dial.”
In his book, The Power of TED, David Emerald discusses the dynamics of what creates empowerment and disempowerment in our lives.
Many of us are walking around disempowered. We may not be aware that we are holding ourselves and our experiences in a victim dynamic. What is done to us and for us is entirely out of our hands.
The Victim needs two things to support their mentality. A Persecutor or Perpetrator (circumstance or person) and a Rescuer.
The thought being “this was done to me” and “I need someone/something else to make it better for me.” Either way, “I don’t feel I have control of really doing much to improve the situation.”
The key factor here is that from both perspectives, we set it up so that we don’t have to take responsibility for our lives and for what we create.
Look at how many places we have been witnessing this in the world … for awhile. For many years, collectively, we have been shaming, blaming and looking for the sources outside of ourselves to take all the responsibility and make it all better.
Even if we do take personal action to improve our situation, it is often done with an US vs THEM mentality where we “attack” the “attacker.” Where we perpetrate the perpetrator in the name of righteousness. Where we fight for a better way, but with the belief that what we fight deserves it because it’s their fault. We continue to pin the responsibility, in our hearts and minds, on the “other.”
Shifting our interpretation to a Creator approach to life allows us to see and understand that each one of us has created absolutely everything that we experience in our personal lives.
This is what’s called taking RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY.
And it is the only true way to be a Creator.
For an individual to be a Creator, they need two main foundational supports in place. First, instead of seeing “negative” or difficult events/circumstances as such, they consider them to be challenges that provide opportunities for growth and betterment. The lesson, so to speak, by which we can see ourselves more clearly and keep what works and let go of what does not.
The Creator also needs what Emerald calls Coach. I refer to this as Supporter. Unlike the Rescuer who swoops in and does the work for the Victim, enabling them to remain a victim, the Supporter or Coach (circumstances or person) offers a hand, guidance and encouragement to the Creator to assist them in doing the necessary work themselves.
One of the areas that has also been emerging in patterns and is certainly tied to all of this is a struggle with the concepts of Expectation and Acceptance. Thankfully, I addressed this in an earlier blog which I’ll share here.
In order to meet the current winds of change, it will be necessary to practice innovative resourcefulness. In order for this to happen, we get to hold ourselves, firmly, in the Empowerment Dynamic.
So, this month, I welcome you to identify, acknowledge and challenge your own victim mindset where you see it emerge. Find ways to accept what is and adapt to a new approach that aligns with your own true, core self as a Creator.
As always, if you are experiencing challenge in this area, I’m here to support you and your efforts to move from good to GREAT!